Brunch So Hard Mother Truckers Wanna Fine Me

Woah woah woah back-to-back blog posts. Who am I even? Confession, I cannot believe I missed last Wednesday for one. #itwasalonelyone #somanyconfessions 

I am the most excited ever to be going to the Atlanta Steeplechase next weekend. Holla fo a dolla. Or for the VIP party we're going to + the private (air conditioned) bathrooms. That was really the selling point, tbh. #yeahright #butalsotheopenbar #youknowme BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. I feel like I need a hat first, dress second, I already have my cowboy boots. What what WHAT should I wear? 

haaaaay

Saturday I ran a 5k for mimosas. and dogwoods. I have been searching for all of the booze related races since then. BUT. I walked 1.5 miles to get to the park/starting line, ran the 5k (40 minutes, PR #getatmetho) then walked the 1.5 miles back home. My biggest mistake was taking a nap. I was then down for the count for the rest of the day. Then my entire body hurt until like. last night... #notfastnotlast #notquitefiteither #didntevenwintheweekendwarriorchallenge #andidid6milesbefore10am

jump man jump man jump man WOO

I confess, I instagrammed what looked like a delicious brunch platter (yes, the budweiser was included..) but man was it dissappointing. What wasn't pictured? The donuts + kickass burger we had before the platter got there. Obviously brunch was a success, but we were super bummed by the chef's choices. Who associates various lettuce wraps with brunch? #gimmemorefriedstuff #allgravyeverything #ANDDONUTS #andmimosasduh

brunch so hard mother truckers wanna fine me

The other day at a fancy dinner place, while waiting on my fancy glass of wine, I drank all of my water. When the waiter came to refill my glass, I apologized. I couldn't even tell you what I apologized for THEN when he said "oh don't worry, you're supposed to drink it!" I APOLOGIZED AGAIN. It's a disease y'all. #sorryallthetime #isittoolatenowtosaysooorrrryyyy 

air bunnies

I DIE. I die at Joey's air bunnies. He's too funny. ANYWAYS. I'm sure more ridiculous things will happen this week, you should follow along on the twitter. I tweet a lot of ridiculous stuff (and alllll the gifs to be honest.) What ridiculous things happened to y'all this week? HEY PS DON'T FORGET THE CAN OF CORN LINKUP TOMORROW. We can pretend the Braves aren't on pace to go 0-162 this year.....................

I Got A Tattoo + It Hurt Really Bad + Other Confessions

If I show up at least once a week, I can still call myself a blogger right? I've been trying to write more but I usually just end up staring at a blank post template because I just can't seem to get started. I can, however, always tell the ridiculous stories that happen to me. So let's just hashtag away! 

First of all, I'm perpetually stuck at 980 Instagram followers. It's obnoxious, because I'll see "3 new followers!" then it will still just be 980. So for those three new ones I lost three. COME ON GUYS. Just let me have 1,000. Pretty please? #cmonman #soclosebutsofar 

If you're not following me on Instagram, which I know isn't the case because y'all are all the bomb.com, you wouldn't know that I went and did a thing on Sunday. I've been talking about getting a tattoo of the stars from the Harry Potter books for easily 10 years. WELL Sunday I finally did it. AND GUYS. it hurt really bad. I didn't cry all the way, but I didn't. So there's that. 

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good ⚡️

A photo posted by Kasey Decker (@kdsmoove) on Mar 21, 2016 at 7:25am PDT

I'm sure I've mentioned my inability to successfully go through the grocery store, target, and the likes without forgetting something important, so after rave reviews I decided to add razors to the list of things I would no longer be able to forget at the grocery store. So I signed up for the Dollar Shave Club. Guys. I don't even care that they're supposedly razors designed for men. they show up at my door, they're nicer than the disposable ones I'd been using, and IT IS SIX DOLLARS. SIX. You can adjust it to ship however often you wanna. You can eeeeven use my referral code to sign up right here! #whowearshortshorts #shavesmarter #orsomething

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We all know I'm the most coordinated human in the world (literally laughing out loud typing that. I am hilarious.) Well Saturday night I missed a step + slid down the rest at the bar, nothing unusual, I didn't spill my beer which let's be real, is the important part. Today, I noticed a huge bruise on my stomach from not spilling my beer. #bruiselikeapeach #justcallmegrace #clumsy

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So that's what's happening in my neck of the woods, what are y'all up to?

Why I Couldn't Be a Bachelor Contestant...

So while watching The Bachelor, we go back + forth on whether or not we could be contestants on this show. Tonight, while watching home towns, I realize that is why I couldn't be on this show. The home town visit. 

So as I'm watching Jojo's mom drink the champagne straight out of the bottle and I thought oh dear lord, my parents would probably have us all in the hot tub taking fireball shots. Could you imagine? it would be such a shit show. It would be hilarious, but it would also be a disaster. So obviously now I want to go to the hometown level of The Bachelor so things can get out of hand..... #iguessicouldfindahusband #itwouldgothesameway #iveneverintroducedthemtoaboy #thatsanotherconfession

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Another reason I couldn't be on The Bachelor is my ability to get other people to drink more tequila than they can handle. Can you see that? Night one, Kasey gets all of the other houseguests doing tequila shots, it becomes apparent that I'm the only one who can handle the tequila, INSTANT BACHELOR VILLAIN. #onsecondthought #maybeIshouldbeacontestant #Iwouldhavemyownparodyaccount #ITWOULDBEAWESOME

TEQUILA

I admit that I've started digging into what it would take to become a contestant on The Bachelor. Do I have to have a like, real audition? Can my job be "lifestyle blogger"? I know that's not as glamorous as "twin" but whatever. Oh man, how popular would my blog be when people found out it existed? Would I be instantly disqualified when they found this post? #Ihavealotofquestions #pickmeforbachelor21 #forealforeal

I VOLUNTEER

I have a passive aggressive confession here. The other day I tweeted about those people who follow you on instagram, then unfollow you the minute you follow them back. I have an even bigger issue with a select few I have noticed who follow me and unfollow me multiple times. To where I recognize you're instagram handle. What bugs me the most, as petty as this will sound, is that these people have more followers than me. #notcoolrobertfrost #oninstagramstraightflexin #pleasestop

please stop

I'm really super pumped the Braves signed Frenchy to a Minor League deal, I'm sure it's great for ticket sales, but also it means this will surely make a comeback. #onjeffears #thankmelater

That's all I have for today. What kind of Bachelor contestant would you be? Did you cry laughing at Frenchy? I can't deal. Like, that's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. God bless it. 

Okay Google, Who Is "Love Yourself" About?

So, if you follow me on the twitter you know I provide a really cynical, and apparently hilarious, commentary of The Bachelor every week. Obviously while participating in Elle Talk's chat. This week I skipped it for the Grammy's (obviously it was spoiled so I probably won't even watch this week's episode, honestly)

I confess. I cried at all of the tributes. I could not get over how much of a badass Bonnie Raitt is, needed that sparkly black jacket she had on, and got the goosebumps the minute Gaga came on stage. ALSO. Demi Lovato killed it. #shealwayskillsit #sodoesgaga #badassbonnieraitt 

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Also. Guys. GUYS. how awesome is T. Swift? I love her. I couldn't deal with just HOW pumped she was that Ed Sheeran won, over her, talk about the best kind of gal pal to have. I just dig how genuinely pumped she is for all of her friends. Also ALSO #suckitkanye #girlpower #shakeitoff #hatersgonnahate 

OMG

I had a little panic moment yesterday where I felt stuck then I decided I needed to do something, I went to move all of my furniture around, and then started designing my dream house via pinterest. So completely down the rabbit hole, see ya later. #sopinteresting #kaseysdreamhouse #wheniwinthelottery #orpayoffmystudentloans #whichevercomesfirst #probablythelottery 

With that being said, I'm off to pin ALL OF THE DIY HEADBOARDS! Because I think 27 means I've officially grown out of just a matress and box springs on a bed frame, or something. I just want it to look like I live here and not like it's my college dorm room or something. #grownupbutnot #istillwanttwinklelights #thatstrendyright #right?

TERRIBLE

What's new with you guys? Did you watch the Grammy's? Did anyone stay up for Pitbull's thing? WHY ARE THEY SO LONG?
 

Tardy for the Party

Okay. So we all know I'm behind on the bandwagons a lot. I always have a TiVo delay (side note, it's just DVR, but I always call it TiVo. does TiVo even exist independently anymore? does that make me sound even older than 27?) when I live tweet things, and we just got hooked on the whole Making a Murderer bandwagon. 

Guys. I have a real addiction to crime drama. From X Files to Criminal Minds to this new addiction to Making a Murderer. I can never resist an episode of Law + Order any kind. So some of this stuff in Making a Murderer is blowing my mind. Like, for example, I can't even guess my own password for like my email accounts, but I'm supposed to believe this girl's ex-boyfriend guessed her username AND password for her cell phone account? #seemsquestionabletome #tooeasy #WAYtooeasy

#nope

In other news. I have discovered something fantastic. I'm bad at snapchat (don't believe me? @kdsmoove is my username, I'm really bad at adding people though because I never recognize usernames. because why don't I get people's real names? #confessionwithinaconfession) BUT GUYS SPENCER PRATT IS ON SNAPCHAT. It's incredible. I can't look away. #speidi #cantstopwontstop #thankmelater

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I confess I wasn't Olivia's biggest fan, I just don't understand why she always has her mouth open, I usually stand up for the one the girls gang up on because usually in those situations that's me. I know they edit it to have a "villain." I don't want to stand up for her though, first the mouth thing, then the constantly "stealing" Ben even though she's already got her rose, but the nail in the coffin for me was the whole "this sounds like an episode of Teen Mom" GIRLFRIEND. You did not think that was okay to say. #notcoolrobertfrost #bachelorchitchat #blamethebooze 

#eyeroll

I've had the same Rocks Box in my car waiting to be sent back for literally three months. It's bad news guys, like I keep paying the subscription, but not wearing the jewelry, you know why? I don't know how to send outgoing mail from my house. we've lived here since May. #imreallypretty #socute #butseriously #SOS

merp

So on that note, I'm off. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON MAKING A MURDERER? Also I'm only to the 5th episode so I might be behind on the decisions. Are you unfollowing me on twitter for my incessant Bachelor tweets? 

"Feels Like 11"

Here we are, already to Wednesday again! I'm sure for most of you it doesn't feel like you've made it too far, but for those of us that had to work on Monday, it's a well earned Wednesday. Except that it's freezing outside. I'm so over winter you guys. I would trade my birthday for it to be like, "low of 65" instead of "high of 38, 90% chance of rain"


What is most concerning to me about today's forecast is the rain + essentially freezing temperatures. If you recall, the people of Atlanta are not so good with wintery weather. Moreover we're really bad with ice (but excuse me, who is good at driving on ice? we don't have tire chains here, I don't even know what those are for, but we don't have them) #pleasedontsnow #snowpocalypserepeat #devilsdandruff #wedontdowell

I have some issues with this season of Pretty Little Liars. First of all I get it, the plot is just like the first season. Also please stop reading if for some reason you haven't watched the first episode + are worried about spoilers. We know for sure that Cece is dead right? Like that was definitely her? Why is everyone acting so shady right off the bat? Like, come on guys. Also, how is it possible that they've gotten WORSE at lying? They've been doing it for like. ten years now. #getittogetherguys #soshady #butalsoinnocent #orarethey?

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This post was going to be longer, but instead of writing last night I decided to start planning a trip to Machu Picchu because doesn't that sound like a great adventure? I'm thinking late this year, maybe around Thanksgiving or so? Has anyone been? Any advice? Also, has anyone used Contiki or some other travel site? Since EF cancelled my referral code, I'm not really so hot on using them again. #adventureisoutthere #mywordof2016 #wanderlust #thattravelbugisREALyall 

me IRL

So, everyone stay safe in that wintery mix today! And please tell me all the travel secrets for Latin America, thanks!

My Last Post (Before I Win the Powerball...)

I'm just going to jump right in + confess that I am writing this instead of watching the State of the Union, even though there's a drinking game to go with it because I know I'll get the highlights from it in tomorrow morning's Skimm so that is under control. #aintnobodygottimeforthat 

I haven't come up with my "adventures" hashtag yet, BUT I HAVE COME UP WITH ONE FOR WINE THINGS (since I can't really use #lemmewineaboutit because of that Buzzfeed Series...) so instead we're gonna use #kaseyatthebar (see what I did there?) so that it's not only cheap wine reviews but also dive bars, cocktails, and more! #partypartyparty

I confess that I did start this post in lieu of watching the SOTU, but then ended up watching The Bachelor instead, so that is the reason it's so late. #embarrassedemojihere but CAN WE TALK ABOUT LACE FOR A SECOND. Does she stress anyone else out? Like when she starts talking I literally can't even. It makes me SO uncomfortable. I also think that the producers are prepping us for an Oliva/Lace cage fight "date" later this season... #TheBachelor #somuchdrama #shemightbeworsethanTierra #REMEMBERTHEEYEBROW

I stopped to pick up lottery tickets on the way home, duh, and when I did the cashier said "bye honey see you on tv after you win!" so I'm pretty sure that's a sign that I'm going to win, so see you guys on tha flip side. Obviously I would blog so much more if I won... #becauseIdbeallvacay #allthetime #THINKOFALLTHEBOOKS

THAT is all I have todaaaaay, BUT STAY TUNED, first edition of Kasey at the Bar comes fresh first thing in the mornin! Spoiler alert, it's a wine review... Also I'm still taking suggestions for my adventure hashtags. Is #AdventuresOnDeck16 too much? I feel like it's too much. #SOS

All Together Now

We made it! We made it to the end of the year! I'm currently trying to not mope about how this time last year I was waking up in Amsterdam instead of Atlanta. (go on, relive all of the Kasey Goes To Europe posts with me) and what better way to do that then hashtagging away?

I have never been secretive about my obsession with The Beatles so now that their entire catalog is streaming, I literally haven't listened to anything else by choice. My dad also got me a Sonos speaker to turn my apartment into a concert hall, so, yeah. You know that girl who cried about how much she loved cats? I could cry about how much I love The Beatles. #LoveIsAllYouNeed #AllYouNeedIsLove #NAnanananananaHEYJUDE #sorrynotsorry

the bestttttt

I have been having some serious technical difficulties with my poor little iphone. I'm not mentally prepared to update to the giant one and also it's a point of pride that I've kept the one I have for as long as I have. I mean, I'm clumsy + I drop things, I never have matching socks, but I'll be damned if I break this thing! So yesterday I finally admitted I needed to go to Verizon, try to get it fixed. They told me to come home, try restoring it with iTunes, well iTunes won't recognize it long enough to restore it. It's the most frustrating because I'll get it to connect for like, a second, then I'll go to restore + it will be all later dude. #technicaldifficulties #SOS #justlivelittlephone

I keep trying to find good travel deals and subsequently talking myself out of them. I think what I really need to do is buy a one-way ticket somewhere + figure it out as I go. Then I remember that if I wanted to do that anywhere outside the US I would have to get a visa + permissions + why can't it just be like the movies? #wanderlust #travelbug #stuck

hey now hey now

Now I'm off to make coffee + try not to move anything that will upset the tenth attempt at restoring my poor little phone. What are y'all up to? What are your resolutions for 2016? I've already written five posts for January! #shutthefrontdoor

Jolliest Bunch of Elves This Side of the Nuthouse

HOLY CANOLI. How did we get here? Wasn't it May like. yesterday? I was going on + on about it being my birthday month next month the other day? And then someone goes, "how old will you be this year?" I got halfway through 27 before I burst into tears. I'd be lying if I told you guys I thought I'd survive a day past 22. It's really a Christmas miracle every year.. and now for an airing of grievances! 

Saturday I made a "quick" target run that I immediately regretted. FIRST OF ALL it didn't occur to me that the target parking lot that is always a nightmare would be infinitely worse because Christmas. SECOND OF ALL it's very rare that I do anything productive on Saturdays, they're almost exclusively reserved for bottomless mimosas and football. So I get there, the pet store next door has puppies outside for adoption, and the entire population of Atlanta is in target ignoring the possibility that anyone could need to be there. Guys. I went to target for a toothbrush, shampoo + conditioner, antifreeze for my car, picture frames, and wine (because I always forget that particular target doesn't have booze) do you know what? I walked out with Star Wars jammies. THAT. WAS. IT. #ineedanadult #targetunsupervised #itwasawful #imighthavecried 

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I used vacation time for today + tomorrow to come work for my dad. You know, no rest for the broke bitches. The perk is that I can sit up here in the office in my jammies because no one is here, the downfall to that is that the UPS man just came into the office and I was in my jammies. He just kinda looked at me.. #sorrynotsorry #hotmessexpress #baileysinmycoffee 

like ever.

okay so I use Waze to avoid traffic, it's not always the best honestly but it makes me feel like I'm being more efficient. BUT I JUST REALIZED YOU CAN PUT IT IN C-3PO's VOICE and it is the best. Whenever there's a hazard it says "we will surely be destroyed! this is madness!" makes me giggle EVERY. TIME. #kindlyturnleftmaster #wemustfindR2 #suchanerd 

drama droid

Speaking of Star Wars. I haven't seen it yet. I think this whole "no Star Wars spoilers on social media" is the most impressive thing I've seen in a while. Good job everyone. #nospoilers #yougoglencoco 

move along

I swear I come up with things through the week that should be in this post then I spend so much time trying to find the right .gif I get distracted and totally forget what I was going to write. Next time I'm going to write them all out then find the perfect .gif. #problemsolving #buthegifsaremyfavoritepart #tiedwiththefakehashtags #imobnoxious

I'M H20 INTOLERANT

That's all I have for today! HAPPY FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US EVERYONE! What are your holiday plans? HAVE YOU SEEN STAR WARS YET? Am I unreasonably excited for that? I have a lot of questions. 

A Day Late + A Dollar Short

So. I was sitting at work today and I got a notification from twitter that multiple people were tweeting about humpday and I go OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO BLOG THAT'S MY GO TO POST. So, this post brought to you by crying hysterically in the ladies room at work reaaaady go! 

I watch all of those "Tasty" videos on facebook + think "oh I should make that pizza monkey bread for dinner!" then I come home + order a pizza instead. #buthowgooddothoselook #SOYUMMY #maybenextweek 

accurate

the boys next door bought us wine for taking care of their dog, and apparently it's a fancy wine. It's definitely my first time with Chianti, but I can't tell the difference. it just tastes like red wine to me. so for future reference, you apparently don't have to splurge on the fancy wine.. #lemmewineaboutit #winenot #butseriously #buymore #insteadoffancy #economics

SIX. DOLLARS.

I ordered some jammies from VS. You know, because I needed matching jammies. (they have champagne glasses on them. because obviously) I don't look like a VS model in them, but I'm pretty obsessed with them. if that makes me a gramma, so be it. #pajamamama #cheers #theycamewithslippers #becausethosearenecessarytoo

jess is me, I am jess

I was tempted to wrap empty boxes + put them under my Christmas tree for two reasons. 1. I haven't done any Christmas shopping 2. it looks lonely without packages. #butstillsopretty #canIleaveitupallyear #prettyplease 

SON OF A NUTCRACKER

I was watching Christmas Vacation the other day + came to the conclusion that my perfect husband would be a combination of Clark Griswold and Phil Dunphy. do we all agree? I think we do. #isrustystillinthenavy #GriswoldfamilyChristmas #funnies #dadjokes

<3 <3

OKAY SO I HAVE A PLAN. My new goal is to blog Monday, Wednesday, and Friday! right? Obviously starting the week after Christmas. I can do that right? Right! What do you have to confess?