My Fantasy Football Strategy

I'm sure I've mentioned it a time or two, but I'm a really competitive person. I don't like to lose. I don't understand the concept of playing games where you can't win. The whole "just for fun" thing? 100% lost on this girl. So obviously I draft my fantasy teams in the same competitive fashion. Now, I am in no way qualified to dole out official "fantasy" football advice [but really, what makes someone qualified to do that?] but I write a blog so I'm going to do it anyways. So there.

Step one, remember that the draft is at 9 pm the next day and remember that The League is on Netflix, watch the League on Netflix instead of doing draft research -- because that should help right?
the league
can we agree that Taco is the best character? source
Step two, halfway through work on Monday realize that you still haven't done anything and the draft is that night, in like a few hours. Text some guy friends who are really serious about fantasy football and ask "if I could only draft one player for fantasy, who should it be + why?" have one rattle off an answer and the other one ask you a question making you realize that you know absolutely nothing about how the draft is going to go. Start to panic, how are you going to win if you don't know what the hell you're doing?
the league
source
Next [I'm not sure if this is step three or four, math is hard y'all.], pour a glass of wine, make a list, don't forget to post a picture to Instagram so the world knows you're drafting the best fantasy football team ever. Decide to write a blog about the draft process and spend so much time finding perfect gifs [gif's?] from The League + almost miss your first pick in the draft..
source
OH don't forget to accidentally draft a kicker because you forgot that you had two picks back to back + went to fill up your wine glass after drafting Matty Stafford... Don't forget to make that mistake one more time, just to prove you definitely didn't deserve the first pick of the draft.
source
THEN YOU END UP WITH TWO KICKERS. So guys, you should absolutely choose my draft strategy because I'm going to win with two kickers... How many kickers does your fantasy team have?

8 comments :

  1. I don't understand fantasty football at ALL. Pick 'ems, I get. I just pick who wins. Done.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAHAH I'm only slightly apprehensive about following your strategy. But may the odds be ever in your favor!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always forget to submit my picks for pick 'ems. Really I'm just not responsible..

    ReplyDelete
  4. hey, we'll see who's holding the trophy come playoffs!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love all the gifs from The League. We were just talking about that show last night. good luck with your draft pics.

    ReplyDelete
  6. obviously I'm taking home the trophy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You have my kicker :) I hate when I end up drafting back to back (unless I'm first and I get AP)... clearly I'm a Vikings fan. This will not be my best season.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I didn't even mean to take him! I mean, I wanted him obviously because he's a former bulldog, but wine was so important at the time!

    ReplyDelete