Not All Who Wander Are Lost

If I didn't put that title in quotes, does someone think I'm trying to take credit for that statement? I'm not. I also didn't write Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit. You know, in case you thought maybe I did that too. Anyways. Now that we've cleared all of that up, I have to say it,  I am lost. I realized it today at work when one of my supervisors asked me what my personal, not work, goals were. I realized I didn't have any. I hadn't had any since I started working. The girl who always has a plan didn't have one. I'm kind of freaking out. 

I don't really talk about my anxiety anywhere. I've started talking about it more in my real life to people who I know are fellow anxious people because I know they won't think I'm trying to get attention. I'm scared to talk about my anxiety because I don't want people to think I just want attention. It's a real fear. 

Two weeks ago I had a panic attack at work and I couldn't calm myself down. I've been having them since high school, that's the first one I really remember. I was in the hallway at school during a class change then all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was happening or where I was or what to do. I didn't tell anyone about it for probably two more years. The one I had at work was worse than any I've ever had before. I had to have my aunt come pick me up from the office and take me home. 

Then today I started panicking over "what are your personal goals for the rest of September + October?" Which leads me to believe I need to come up with a plan, get back to the basics of what drives me over the weekend. That, combined with the outstanding timing of Chelsea's post yesterday reminded me that this is it, we just get the one life. I am going to start spending it better. (plus that Ryan Adams 1989 came out. you need to listen to that too.) Any suggestions on my next step will be very welcome...

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